{"id":946,"date":"2011-10-20T20:34:33","date_gmt":"2011-10-21T02:34:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.practicalspirituality.info\/inneressentials\/?p=946"},"modified":"2011-10-20T20:35:52","modified_gmt":"2011-10-21T02:35:52","slug":"who-or-what-are-you-waiting-for","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.practicalspirituality.info\/inneressentials\/2011\/10\/20\/who-or-what-are-you-waiting-for\/","title":{"rendered":"Who or What Are You Waiting For?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Blame_Knight\"Are you waiting for someone<\/em> (a knight in shining armor or a very capable damsel) or something<\/em> (like the lottery) to rescue you?<\/p>\n

Okay, you might think rescue<\/em> is a strong word. Let\u2019s put it this way: Are you waiting for permission from anyone or anything to do what you need to or want to do? Do you continue to blame others for making you feel unhappy, unfulfilled, unsuccessful, sad, or lonely\u2014and do think that if only they<\/em> would change, you could start living the way you want to? Then you\u2019re waiting for a rescuer.<\/p>\n

We\u2019re all do it. It\u2019s how fast we snap out of it that counts.<\/p>\n

We\u2019re all tempted to blame others for how we feel or for how our day is going\u2014and to think that someone else can fix it by coming to our rescue. And most of the time, it\u2019s easier by far<\/em> to grumble and complain than to stand up and take action for ourselves.<\/p>\n

But taking hold of the reins of your life isn\u2019t about what\u2019s easy. It\u2019s about acting on what\u2019s true for you.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m always amazed to watch in my own life how this idea of waiting for a rescuer can creep in and lurk around without me realizing it, especially when I let myself get tired or run down or overwhelmed with work. But then I suddenly realize: Who is choreographing how I spend my days? Who is dictating how I fill my time? Who is saying yes and who is saying no? Me, of course.<\/p>\n


\nTaking back your choices<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

The cornerstone of honoring yourself is taking back the choice for how you feel and what you will do with the moments of your life.<\/p>\n

If you believe that it is someone else\u2019s job to \u201crescue\u201d you, you will continue to accept less than the best for yourself. <\/strong>Because you\u2019re operating in passive mode. You\u2019re abdicating one of the most important rights and powers you have: freedom of choice.<\/p>\n

Ralph Waldo Emerson said it this way: \u201cA political victory, \u2026 the recovery of your sick, or the return of your absent friend, or some other favorable event, raises your spirits, and you think good days are preparing for you. Do not believe it. Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n

What happens if we depend on the changing events that come and go in our lives\u2014up and down, up and down\u2014to make us feel at peace? Then we\u2019ll be constantly going up and down too. Handing over the choice for how you feel to someone else is like taking a long, bumpy ride on an out-of-control roller coaster when you should be in the driver\u2019s seat of your own car. Or like accepting a supporting role in someone else\u2019s drama when you should be playing the leading role in your own life story.<\/p>\n


\nThree Steps for Stepping Out of the Blame Game<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

When you find yourself continuing to blame anyone for anything, you can be sure you have been duped by the subtle and insidious myth that the determining factors in your life are outside of yourself\u2014that someone else is responsible to fill you up or to fix what\u2019s making you unhappy. (And, if you look up the word \u201cvictim\u201d in the dictionary, you\u2019ll find that one of its definitions is just that\u2014someone who has been duped.)<\/p>\n

Here are some steps you can take to turn blame into a more empowering way of life:<\/em><\/p>\n

1. Become aware of when you\u2019re taking the easy way out by blaming.<\/strong><\/p>\n

What are some symptoms that you are doing this (besides kicking and screaming)? Complaining and pouting are often forms of blame. Feeling depressed can be a symptom too\u2014a feeling of powerlessness.<\/p>\n

2. The next time you find yourself asking in your head or aloud, \u201cHow could he\/she\/it do this to me? What\u2019s wrong with them? How can I get them<\/em> to change so I can get what I need?\u201d <\/strong>try living with this affirmation instead:<\/strong><\/p>\n

The choice for what happens next in my life is always my own. My choices, my attitudes, and my actions will determine how I respond\/act\/feel.\u00a0 I have the power to make a new and higher choice instead of waiting for someone else to rescue me.<\/em><\/p>\n

No matter what circumstances you are in, no matter what has gone before, you always have the power to make a new choice, a new response\u2014starting now.<\/p>\n

3.Then always take a practical step. Make another choice besides complaining or being passive, and act on it.
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n

Instead of complaining about something you aren’t happy with\u2014or inviting friends (or anyone who will listen) to a pity party\u2014reflect on what you are in control of. Ask yourself:\u00a0 In this situation, what ARE all my choices? What can I (not the others involved) do?<\/em><\/p>\n

An example: You might not be able to change the people who are hounding you, but you can still draw boundaries and take care of yourself.\u00a0 It\u2019s not someone else\u2019s job to fill you up, and you don\u2019t need anyone\u2019s permission to do that job yourself. Only you can know when it\u2019s time to take a break or put on your favorite music and relax. You\u2019re the only one who can say no to your best friend\u2019s invitation because you want to be alone this weekend. You\u2019re the only one who can leave a job or relationship because it\u2019s no longer right for you.<\/p>\n

Grandma Moses, the twentieth-century American folk artist who started painting in her seventies and lived until she was 101, was a testament to the power of choice. \u201cIf I didn\u2019t start painting, I would have raised chickens,\u201d she said. \u201cLife is what we make it, always has been, always will be.\u201d<\/p>\n

To take away . . .<\/span>
\n<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n