Stephen, 34, was just getting off his night-shift duty and on his way home when he heard that the first tower was struck on 9/11. He rushed back to respond. He couldn’t drive through the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel, so he strapped his 65 pounds of gear to his back and ran through the tunnel to reach the towers. He never returned.

Here’s what his brother said today: “I’ll tell you what Stephen taught us all that day, that you don’t run away—you run at your problems. You go right after it; you do what you’re supposed to do.”

Stephen is survived by his wife and five children. His brother Frank now runs the Tunnel to Towers Foundation, which holds a run retracing his heroic brother’s final steps each year on 9/11 to raise money for children who have lost a parent, firefighters, and military who have been seriously injured in the line of duty. More than 25,000 people are expected to take part in the New York City run on this tenth anniversary of 9/11. And more than 50 cities also held the run this year.

This story, like the legacy of so many others of that day, is inspiring beyond any words I could write here. Thank you, Stephen, and all who risked your lives to save others.

And thank you, Frank—and everyone who takes part in that run—for showing us how to turn pain into REAL power for good. For showing us how to honor the legacy of love. For turning this tragedy into an opportunity to do great things. This is how we heal.

Check out the site at tunneltotowers.org

“The beginning and the end reach out their hands to each other.”

A new article I wrote called “Endings Are Just Beginnings” was published this weekend on the Heal Your Life website. It talks about 4 ways to say goodbye to regrets and honor the endings in your life.  I realized just how unexpectedly apropos this was for the Fourth of July weekend, which celebrates a courageous ending that made way for a grand new beginning.

Here’s something to think about to really bring that spirit of freedom home to your own heart: What will you declare YOUR independence from today?

What’s the tyrant that is holding you back from being all you can be? Is it a not-so-healthy habit you want to let go of? A stifling job? A toxic relationship? Someone who is pushing you in a direction that isn’t right for you? Is it your need to always be right when interacting with others? Constantly living in the past or blaming yourself for situations that aren’t totally under your control? Or the debilitating habit of saying yes to everyone else instead of drawing boundaries and saying yes yourself?

What will you declare your independence from today? It’s an important question that deserves some deep contemplation and, even better, a written commitment where you sign on the dotted line. Think of this as creating your own personal Independence Day—the day you vow to cut the tie, the day you declare your liberation from whatever or whomever is crushing that part of you that wants to fly.

Tips for writing your personal Declaration of Independence:

This can be the start of a new thrust for you, especially when you see this declaration as a pledge—a promise to yourself that you will choose to cut yourself free from the negative habit or toxic tie because it is dragging you down—even smothering you—rather than raising you up.  Sure, it might take some work.  But the commitment, in tangible form, is the essential first step.

The Scottish mountaineer W. H. Murray once wrote: “The moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way.”

Commit to your freedom today from one key thing that isn’t helping you thrive. See how it feels, and see what happens next. A new beginning is waiting for you.

More resources:
—Honoring and accepting endings is so important that in my book Honor Yourself: The Inner Art of Giving and Receiving I devoted four chapters to the subject of freeing yourself and honoring endings.

—See my new article:  Endings Are Just Beginnings:  How to move beyond breakups, layoffs, and unspoken words with 4 ways to say goodbye to your regrets

Endings can be tough on the heart and soul.  Lay-offs, break-ups, or sudden, unexpected life changes can throw us off balance and make us feel unsure about ourselves and our future. When someone or something pulls the rug out from under you, you may find yourself drowning in a caldron of emotions, anything from grief and remorse to anger, fear, or blame.

Whether you’ve experienced a recent loss or are struggling with an ending you’ve never come to terms with, you can move forward more quickly by finding effective ways to release regrets.

Learn 10 important ways to honor endings so you can find closure gracefully, get past the pain, and open the door to new beginnings:  Click here to read my new feature on saying goodbye to regrets on Beliefnet.com

Here’s one way to make the passage a bit easier for you, especially if you were not able to say your last goodbyes. In my travels, I once met a German woman who seemed upset and was having a hard time enjoying her vacation. She told my husband and I tearfully that her mother had recently passed on unexpectedly and she had never been able to say her last goodbyes.  As I shared this same advice with her, her face suddenly lit up.  It had lifted a bit of the burden she felt, and she was very grateful.  (You can adapt this same ritual to help you move through and honor the ending of any relationship or incident in your life.)

1. Carve out some quality time alone.

2. Take a clean piece of paper and write a letter to the heart and soul of a parent, partner, or friend who has moved on. Tell them in this inner message how you feel and what you most appreciated about them. Let them know what you didn’t get to tell them, perhaps even what you regret about your relationship over the years and any pain you felt.

3. Even if you had a difficult relationship with this person, make a point in your letter of recognizing the gifts that he or she passed on to you or the strengths you developed as a result of your relationship.

4. Then burn the letter (be sure to do it in a safe place!) as you ask God (using whatever name you prefer to address the creative Spirit of the universe) to carry this message at inner levels to those who have passed on.

Physical rituals like this can help you bring closure, find a sense of peace, and move on more quickly.

Remember: The greatest gifts that loved ones give us are the gifts that still live on within us. We honor those who have passed on by discovering what they have given us and allowing those gifts to express through us.

Think about this:

•  Are you missing someone in your life?
•  What gifts did he/she give you?
•  How will you continue to express those gifts in his/her honor?